can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
