I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
