Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
