she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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