Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
