What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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