I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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