I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
