She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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