and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
