i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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