I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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