best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
