Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
