Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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