When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
