Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
