I need help removing her.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
