apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
