Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
