did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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