On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
