connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
