I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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