My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
