i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
