you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
