So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
