Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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