I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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