Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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