Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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