none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
