i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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