vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
