Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
