so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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