you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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