Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
