Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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