I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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