I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
