i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
