Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
