Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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