ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
