I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
