I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
