So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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