Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
