I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
