dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
