Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You pole danced in your parka.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
