Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
