Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
