Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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