i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
