I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
