If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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