The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
